Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
