I accidentally had phone sex last night
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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