Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
