Got a toothbrush?
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
