I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
