I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
