her vagine was all disorganized.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
