remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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