A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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