My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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