new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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