Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
