why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I am one with the molecules
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
