I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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