stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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