sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
