Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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