Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
