No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
