brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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