We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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