I just pynch a tree in the face
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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