Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
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