i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Randomize
