i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
