I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
