the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
