I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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