i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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