I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
