Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
