got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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