Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
