so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
