This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
