he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My dick has a subreddit
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
