You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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