Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
