dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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