i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
