You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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