Umm I'm too high to move.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
