Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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