I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
