You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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