Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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