I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
