i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
wow bdsm is so cute
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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