no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
