Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
