How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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