her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
