Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
