Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
