I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
