We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
