wakey wakey hands off snakey
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
nutella sex= disaster
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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