your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
