dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
