i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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