I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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