I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
