You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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