Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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