you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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