Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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