why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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